I've just been thinking about stuff really. Recently, my life has gotten a lot better. I've settled into my new job, and overall emotionally I just feel a lot healthier. I just have to never forget about the people who were there for me through dark times. A lot of people including a few xangans spent hours listening to me, consoling me, or just being thoughtful and lovely...and it helped me get through those times. I'm forever grateful <3.

Lost my job tonight. Even though I wasn't even getting paid and was only volunteering for experience while doing a cooking course at college, like wtf is that about right?

Long story short, college is making a massive fuss about me not getting paid and hassling the head chef for lots of paperwork, which is not what we agreed so chef said he's not happy to take me if it's going to be such a hassle for him.

I mean...I don't blame him. I came in to volunteer and to gain experience and the college never told me that they were going to make such a fuss about this. My tutor's always known that I was volunteering, and it's fucking retarded that some other guy makes such a fuss now 3 months into my placement.

Part of me is really annoyed, and part of me is apathetic. It just seems like life isn't as easy as it seems when you're a kid. I always thought I'd graduate, and find a job, etc. Didn't graduate, haven't even got a job volunteering. Shit's fucked up, honest. It's not even my fault I lost this job this time...I was trying my best, I really was.

I'm sure I'll get by. It's not like suicide is an option, and like...I still got my friends and family right? Not to mention Linda, who really cares about me. It just makes me laugh how I can have such trouble just...getting a job and getting on. Loooooool. Feels like something's wrong with me again.

BLAHHHHHH EMO BLOGGING FTW. I'LL BE FINE ;_______________;

Things are going better since the last entry.

I decided that whatever happens is really down to me. I control my life...to an extent anyway. And I guess that's a nice feeling, but it's also a lot of responsibility.

I got back together with my girl. I realised that even though I hate online LDR relationships...it's up to me what our relationship is. I plan to go visit her so that it's not just online and LDR any more. She's a really special one. I know I've said that before, but this time it's really different. <(yeah I know I've said that before too ok but stfu XD)

Job's going well. I'm getting more into it now, working hard and learning fast. They're trusting me with more responsibilities now so I started cooking yesterday instead of just cutting vegetables. It's really nice seeing how all the things I've been cutting and preparing fall into place on the dish, and how they all compliment each other. I'll take pictures for you guys soon, I know you'd wanna see!!

I had a long talk/discussion with my dad. It didn't really go well, we always have problems communicating with each other since he never read his Parenting 101 book. But it's okay I guess. I think in the end, he's a really good man and father with a good heart, he just has communication and parenting issues. And...I just have to appreciate the fact that he loves me and the things he do is for me, just I don't appreciate being treated like a 10 year old.

Otherwise...my brother's back home. We played badminton together yesterday and today we're gonna go shopping for his Christmas present and then hang out with a few more friends. -shrug-. It's nice being together as a family again even though we don't really fit together THAT well at times haha. But at least we love each other right?

Peace out :). Hope you guys are smiling.

So I've decided I want to be a chef.

To be honest, I'm not even sure that this is what I really want to do. But I'm not that young any more so I must choose a path, try my best and succeed at it.

I'm looking for a job, but for the meantime I've been practising at home...so I don't get too lazy while unemployed :l!

This was tonight's dinner! Slow-roasted Portugese Chicken and Chocolate Souffle with Raspberry Coulis.

I don't actually trust the recipe book I followed any more. I only cooked the chicken for half the suggested time (1 instead of 2 hours) and it was cooked perfectly. Another hour would've left me with chicken jerky. The souffle wasn't good either. I hope to improve on both of these recipes though :).

Anyway, sorry I haven't been very active! I hope you're all doing well <3 :)